Post #18 - A Bit of Trivia about Me in Fours

Four jobs I’ve had:

1. Cocktail waitress in an infamous 70s & 80s Miami Beach private after-hours club (Sammy’s East Side). The clientele consisted of a sprinkling of celebrities; drug dealers from South America and Cuba; well-known Italian and Jewish gangsters, and dozens of discothèque aficionados.  2. Dance instructor at Arthur Murray Studios and a private studio in Bal Harbour, Miami Beach  3. Accounts Receivable Supervisor in a medical company (I had no idea how to use a computer and no prior experience when hired at the age of thirty-eight!)  4. Receptionist in an office located at One Park Avenue in NYC while Death Wish was being filmed (I met Charles Bronson, his wife, Jill Ireland (who were both very nice) and Vincent Gardenia who was a snob and a pig).

Four things I miss the most:

1. Dancing  2. Driving  3. Dipping my foot into the ocean

4. My independence

Four movies I watch over and over: 

 1. Remember Me  2. Nottinghill  3. Pretty Woman  4. Baby Boom

Four places I have lived:  

1. Los Angeles, CA  2. Las Vegas, NE  3. NYC  4. Miami Beach, FL

Four of my favorite TV shows:  

1. Law and Order SVU  2. Mad About You  3. Friends

4. The Voice

Four places I have been on vacation: (pre-wheelchair) 

1. Ontario, Canada  2. Freeport, Bahamas  3. Disneyworld

4. Phoenix

Four of my favorite foods 

1. Anything Mediterranean  2. California Avocado  3. Brie and Bleu Cheese  4. Red Merlot and Dark Chocolate

Four things that scare me:  

1. Heights  2. Hurricanes  3. Pain  4. Wars

Four things that make me smile:  

1. Children  2. A sunny day  3. Baby animals  4. Being alive

Four Things I enjoy:  

1. Mentoring teens  2. Birds  3. Cooking 4. Meeting people

Four Things I despise:  

1. Irresponsibility  2. Lying  3. Stealing  4. Lack of integrity 

Four things I don't understand: 

1. Suffering  2. Hate  3. Why people need to lie  4. Disloyalty

  

Four things I want to do before I die:  

1. Watch my grandchildren grow up  2. Publish my book

3. Touch the ocean with my feet (that would take a miracle)

4. Author more books that help others cope with suffering and inform

Four things I can do (even though I’m paralyzed): 

1. Use my hands and arms  2. Cook  3. Love people  4. Be a friend

 Four ways to describe my personality:  

1. Self-deprecating   2. Nurturing  3. Easy-going  4. Honest

Four things I can no longer do: 

 1. Drive  2. Swim 3. Walk  4. Dance 

Post #17 - Penning My Story – Bleeding on the Pages

I was up last night until 4:00 a.m. working on the final rewrites of my book (I lost all track of time). It will hopefully be the last time I will have to return to those painful memories. My co-writer and editor, Peter Lundell, a professional ghostwriter, as well, is amazing to work with. I’m so thankful Janey DeMeo who referred me to Cec Murphey who in turn referred me to Peter. And, above all, to God.

 What began as a catharsis turned into a manuscript that has now become a mission. I realized that just because I am hidden away from the world in a bedridden condition does not mean what I have to say has no value.

No one should ever feel that way. Everybody suffers and each has a story to tell. I love this quote:

"Your writing matters as much as the hard labor others do. You teach us all through your words the value of helping other human beings through tragedy." author unknown

Anyhow, I never realized how difficult it would be for me to write my life story – lay it out there honestly in transparency for all to see. All I experienced – how I felt.

What it was like to be a molested, raped, then to be a captive of sex traffickers, suffer through two abusive marriages, and now paralyzed due to a rare virus I contracted while a captive.

It’s not easy to revisit an agonizing past over and over again while we edit. But, I think it’s important to share the effects that it has had on my life – my journey from misery to an abiding hope.

A row of human dominoes, toppling over, unaware or uncaring, can cause irreparable damage to a mind, body, and soul. I had a string of dominoes in my life.

I believe my book conveys all these things (without judgement) and will open eyes so that together we can help spare one another from similar fates.

No one is an island or should have to be.

Post #16 - Soaking Up Every Moment of Life

I was out yesterday, fresh air, sunshine, 90° (I love the heat) - nice. Soaking up every moment of my day of freedom, I sought out photo ops. As an avid bird lover, you can imagine my thrill when I ran into these two stately four-foot-tall sandhill cranes standing by the side of the road. They did not even flinch, but seemed to actually "pose,” allowing me to snap several shots. So cool.

Did you know that a nesting sandhill crane has a protective mate, who attacks cars in the ... He sees his reflection in the mirrors and the shiny exterior of parked cars....and attacks!

“Some moments are nice, some are nicer, 

some are even worth writing about.” ― Charles Bukowski

Post # 15 - Onism - Frustration of Being Stuck in One Body, That Inhabits One Place at a Time

Mother’s Day – one of the loneliest yet happiest day for me because I’ve been blessed with two kids, one step-daughter (my son’s half-sister), and two inherited grown children who have given me twelve wonderful grandchildren, all miles and (may as well be) galaxies away from me, hence the word “onism” from The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows. My excuse to briefly wallow a bit.

Being confined to this bed, unable to travel at all due to circulatory issues, annoys me. And each of my kids have their extended families and busy schedules which limits their opportunities to visit me.

Oh how I miss walking, driving or flying anywhere I wanted, anytime I wanted. Sigh.

Anyhow I spent this Mother’s Day at home texting Mother’s Day messages to friends and family and watching movies for hours. And relaxed. A luxury for me. Turned out to be a good day after all. My pity-party ended quickly.

My dear Michael – always thoughtful and spoiling me – bought me this yummy giant chocolate chip cookie cake and a box of chocolates. Comfort food. He always makes me feel special.

So, I shouldn’t complain. I’m blessed. Many motherless women suffer on that day and others have lost children. I’m glad it’s just one day and one day passes by swiftly.

Post # 14 - Free Falling

I am unable to travel because of my medical situation, so I have not flown since Feb 12, 2005. I remember it clearly because it was my daughter Lori's birthday and I went to handle my mother's estate for my siblings.

I enjoyed gazing out the plane's window. A close friend of mine, who flew cross-country the other day, snapped some photos for me. I particularly like this photo. It captures a wisp of cottony clouds resting in a sunshiny blue sky. If you look carefully, you can see a shadowy hint of Denver below.

One day soon, I believe I will fly away to beautiful wildflower fields and into the heavenly promised land.

Post # 13 - One Child at a Time - My Young Friend Savannah

“A sense of worthiness is a child’s most important need.” 

Polly Berends

I have a new friend now. Eleven-year-old Savannah is a bundle of energetic joy – an adorable, thoughtful moppet with a beaming smile and a personality that captured my heart. Her mom is a friend of mine and brought her over to brighten my day.

Savannah and I spent hours talking about her life in school. She’s very honest about her feelings and shortcomings, but also determined to get her education, even though she struggles a lot.

Sadly, this darling little girl is one of 17% of children bullied in school. What makes things worse – in order to protect herself, Savannah admittedly “bullies” back. Since death and disability are abstract to most children, they don’t understand that fighting can lead to tragedy. And with so many parents, single and married, working one or more jobs simply to put food on the table, many of these children don’t get the investment they desperately need.

I discussed ways with Savannah how to handle a bully without it leading to a fist fight. In one particular incident, Savannah needed a paper to finish an assignment and a girl, (we'll call her Sam),who bullies her took it away. 

Savannah got upset and apparently said something to Sam that caught the attention of the teacher, but only after Sam pushed Savannah. And Savannah wanted to react. At any rate, the teacher told the Sam to apologize. She didn’t.

Savannah and Sam have had several altercations. Since Savannah admitted that she sometimes provokes the girl, I suggested that she apologize to her and forgive her. I explained to her that perhaps Sam needed some kindness. Maybe, her homelife wasn't all that great, so she seeks attention by "bullying". Who knows? One day they could become best friends, once they truly understand each other. And as I told Savannah, someone has to try to take the first step.

Savannah looked at me with her big blue eyes and said, “I don’t really like that,” with a curl of a smile, but she said she'd try. Then, we moved on to cooking.

Savannah loves to cook, but does not know how. I am a cook-from-scratch culinary artiste. That day I made an original chicken pasta dish with fire roasted tomatoes. I showed her how to sauté and stir the food in the pot and spoke to her about kitchen safety.

She gobbled her meal up quickly and then smiled widely. “This is delicious. Can I have the recipe? I want to cook it for my family.” So, now when I see her this Thursday, I’m looking forward to an update of her school week and if she had been able to prepare the recipe.

My heart melted when Savannah asked me if she could come back to see me. We have been exchanging emails because I’m going to burn a CD for her containing all her favorite songs. I’m choosing only the songs with positive messages from the list she gave me. I’m thankful to be given a chance to help make a difference in a child’s life. 

(Her mom gave me carte blanche to speak with her about any subject, including what I have gone through. However, I make sure to let her mother know what we talk about, as she leaves us alone to speak).

My friend thanked me for caring about her daughter. I thanked her for allowing me the privilege.

“Give children a conscious understanding of how powerful
 and important and valuable and perfect they are.” Abraham Hicks