Seems like I’m trapped on a never-ending rollercoaster ride;
never liked them as a kid; terrified me so much, I always threw-up.
Yesterday, I received a devastating email that sent me spiraling into a well
of depression.
How I’d love to escape – go for a dreamy, care-free drive
through a verdant countryside or – take a leisurely stroll on a sun-kissed beach, listen
to the seagulls song, hear gushing waves crash against jagged rocks – sink my
feet into squishy, golden grains of sand, and let the salt from a rush of sea
spray tickle my tongue.
But, I can’t.
Chained to my bed with deadened legs, I’m unable to move. So, when
I’m hit with bad news or in stress-overload, I’ve nowhere to escape but into my
mind. Often, like today, I simply shut down; listen to depressing music and
hide my head under my covers for hours – one of my safe places.
Other times, I rebel against the sadness; blast tunes on media
player from my laptop, close my eyes, and dance in my bed until the misery fades
away.
I search for God during those dark moments and cannot find
Him. I run through a spinning maze in my head, which has no road signs, and
lose my way.
Then, suddenly, I’m enlivened. An intangible joy pushes it way
through my gloom and a force outside of myself strengthens me once more. Even
when I try to resist, that joy and strength overpower me in an inexplicably
beautiful way.
I’m myself again. The little girl inside is comforted and I’m
able to press on.
"Hope" is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops — at all....” ~ Emily Dickinson
And never stops — at all....” ~ Emily Dickinson
